What the drugs help me with is not obsessing on that so that I can't see how good my life is now and how much I am loved. Brian, I have never been so loved. And I grew up in a loving family. I just never knew how much I was loved." I love you, Rhonda." Yes. You do." She smiled. "What are we buying at the western store?"During the day, I took the opportunity to cuddle each member of my family. It wasn't sexual, even though we were all naked. Maybe I should say it wasn't sex. It's hard to have Whitney or Samantha or Rose cuddle up naked in your lap and not have it be a little sexual. There was a lot of touching and a lot of kissing. But I just wanted to hold each of my lovers and let them know how much I loved them and missed them when we were so busy.Courtney was in my lap in front of the fire when Betts and Doreen came in from their day of shopping. Maddie ran straight to me and climbed up on Courtney and me. She had a lot to say, even though I didn't understand any of it. Court was. I do not care for Maggie in the same way that Kitik does for Jason, but there is a feeling in me of sameness, as if she and I are alike in some way.If that one wishes talk why does she not speak our speech, Kitik asks. I tell him she cannot say our speech, she does not even say our names right, only a little close. I try to say to her some of our speech, but she cannot say good. She does not understand how we speak all in small sounds. She does not even understand how it is different between the sounds we make for speaking and the sounds we make for hearing them back and knowing what is before us and around us. Because I can make her speech by playing with my breathing and using their way of making speech in small parts and putting the parts together, that is how I must speak to her.But Kitik does not care about such things. He tells me there is a right way to speak and this one does not speak that way, this one does not speak in the now.At first Kitik attends our talk. He wishes to.
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